A sluglike nature of “The Florida Man” knows no bounds. As per WSET-TV, Patrick Benson, the latest person afflicted by the dishonorable “Florida Man” title, used a Wendy’s restaurant at his own convenience and wound up behind bars. You’re likely wondering where he went wrong. Where do I start?

For starters, when Benson broke into the establishment, I did say BROKE INTO, the Wendy’s had been closed for some hours. Once inside, he proceeded to casually cook himself a hamburger of his choosing. He then ate the burger in peace, after which he ventured off into the back store in search of a safe. Upon its discovery, he tried decoding it for several head-scratching moments before realizing he was strong enough to lift the vault with his own bare arms.

Benson is said to have burglarized another restaurant in the vicinity sometime thereafter. He tried for a third location, a local gas station, but found the security apparatus too difficult to outmaneuver. It didn’t take long for local authorities to track his whereabouts, leading up to his arrest. Martin County authorities, sworn with the task of coming up with an easily-identifiable tagline for their suspect, resorted to calling him “the modern day Hamburglar” in the official press release related to the case. 

“The suspect has been successful at forcing his way into two restaurants cooking himself some dinner—then stealing what he can’t consume,” the press release read. “The suspect used a brick to smash in a door at the Wendy’s on Jensen Beach Boulevard. Once in, he started the grill, ate and left the with safe. He also burglarized a restaurant in downtown Jensen Beach.”

Patrick Benson faces several counts of burglary, grand theft and attempted burglary. He currently sits in a Martin County jail while he awaits deliberation. If you’re thinking of visiting the State of Florida, bring a lifejacket, a blunt object, and two whole first-aid kits, or don’t bother coming at all.